The axe

Created on Saturday, October 28, 2006.
Filed under .

Though I turned 18 just five months ago, I’m quite convinced that my best years are behind me. I’m called an Old soul. Some people might explain that my soul has gone through many incarnations and accrued lots of experience and karma, but no, I’ve only reached mid-life much too early; that point where you decide not to kill yourself because you realise you’re going to die anyway. I’ve aged much faster than everyone else because I’m afraid the rest of my generation will not grow up soon enough to take care of the world.

But this is hilarious per se, because I increasingly find the world a silly and useless place every day I wake. I find that my reclusive, sedentary lifestyle creates a feeling of ennui and world-weariness, and that there is little to do, and so little time left, and so few people are constant, and how can anything be changed? When I think about the time that rushes past me I feel as if I am making no great contribution, and that I am simply waiting for the axe to drop.

I think the best solution to problems like these — standard-issue exhaustion, malnutrition and loneliness — are best solved by waiting them out, so I won’t be jumping off high ground or having a Christmas accident — not Desi Quintans. I should eat better, or go out more. But I’m sure you’ve also felt, at some point, that when you fall you’ll weep for happiness.

That's all there is, there isn't any more.
© Desi Quintans, 2002 – 2018.